Balance

It has been hard to have any semblance of balance lately...it seems like everything we do or talk about has something to do with the last 4 months. To say that we have been changed is an understatement. Our lives are so different. Not bad, just different. I had a complete and idiotic (but much needed) breakdown last night. I felt like all the frustrations, sadness, grief, and ugliness came rushing out of me and it was not pretty. Today is a much better day, I feel cleansed and ready to start another week.

Lizzie is doing well. She has amazed us with how well she is doing. Three months ago we were in the hospital not even knowing if she would live and wondered if she did live, how altered would she be? We are so pleasantly surprised at how well she has done. Her episodes of having blank, expressionless eyes seem to be over - those were hard to deal with because Lizzie is so expressive and full of life.

(Lizzie trying to get situated to go down the slide -

it's still a little hard for her to bend and move a lot)

(Victory! she was happy!)

(Enjoying a treat at a school fieldtrip)

Lizzie is laughing more, playing more and enjoying life more. Her emotional outbursts are less than they were, her fatigue is slowly getting better and her eyes are becoming brighter and more full of life - our Lizzie is coming back.

We are so glad school is out - she hated going and I didn't know if I should push her to go or just let her stay home...I mostly just let her stay home, it was easier that way. We are going to have her repeat kindergarten. She is still very bright and can sound out words and is on track with her knowledge, but her fatigue and her attention span still need some work- we feel another year of kindergarten will give her a leg up.

(Ben's Aunt Christie took Lizzie to school a few times...those were bright spots for

Lizzie and the only days that she would go happily to school!)

(Our Fam at the BIAU 5K in Salt Lake...who wants to join us next year??)

Our other kiddos are doing well. Spencer is loving summer and just plays all day. Calli catches all the neighborhood potato bugs every morning and then tries to take care of them by giving them a drink. Needless to say, we've sent a lot of potato bugs to an early death! Ben and I feel that Calli especially has had such a hard time adjusting. She is mean to Lizzie and is frequently doing things to bug Liz and hitting her. Lizzie frequently asks, "Can we beat Calli?" Calli has caught on to Lizzie's potty talk and we are having a hard time ridding our house of that. Tonight Calli said, "Spencer, you are the nicest brother, I won't flush you down the toilet." - Vintage Calli.

(Calli's Self Portrait - can you see the gleam in her eye??)

(A Visit to Huntsville Park - Lizzie was being very brave)

With Calli, we have had to work really hard to reassure her, love her and let her know that we're here to stay. Calli is such a cuddle bug and is in our bed every night...I don't think I've had a good night sleep since she was born. When we were in the hospital, we went to the parent's lounge with Calli and pushed two couches together so she could lay down with Ben and I and cuddle with us. I cried and cried because I wanted to be home with her. We're hoping that time will continue to heal her little wounds...they seem to go deep.

(Calli won't really smile for pictures, but she does have some great funny faces)

Lizzie's hunger issues remain, but miraculously the edge has seemed to be taken off, or maybe she's just understanding more, but honestly we again attribute this to the power of prayers in her behalf. She continues to gain weight, but that is an expected and ugly side to all of this. We pray for miracles in medical science and believe that she will eventually receive some help for the hypothalamic obesity. She is more active now and I definitely think that will help her feel better faster.

The emotions of all this continue to surprise me. I can go a week without feeling sad and then something triggers memories or feelings and I fall apart. We went to the zoo on Friday and drove the same route we took to the hospital every day and I had waves of nausea and just felt like I wanted to sob...it was weird and unexpected. Then I proceeded to fall apart the next day - it's a good thing Ben is so patient and good.

People are so incredibly good - we love the people in our lives! I know we keep saying that, but we keep seeing that firsthand in our lives. Happy Summer!!