Changes

Change is hard for me...just ask Ben - he hates it when we make any changes in our life because I agonize over every little thing and resist changing. So, needless to say, we are agonizing a bit here lately!

Lizzie continues to improve - she is a miracle. She is walking up and down the stairs unassisted, going to the bathroom by herself and also has control over her bowels again. Her memory seems to get better all the time although she can't remember anything about the hospital - which in my opinion is a good thing!

(Lizzie getting her hands warmed up for one of her many blood draws)

She still tires soooo easily and gets agitated at the smallest things. I attempted to take her to the store this week to grab a few quick things and that was a big mistake - she's just not ready to run errands or do things like that, which is weird for me because before if I needed stuff for dinner that night or stuff for the kids, I could just load my girls up and head out. Now I am having to make lists and plan things out in advance, which again, is not a bad thing.

She also had her first day back at school! We had gone last week for picture day but we were only there for a half hour, but this time it was for her class Easter party and she stayed for almost 2 hours. It was fun to see her there - the kids in her class are so sweet and she kept getting lots of hugs and one little girl came up to her and said, "I'm so sorry this happened to you Lizzie." It broke my heart, it was just so sweet and tender.

Calli has been having major issues lately. Anytime someone comes over or I have to drop her off for babysitting, she throws impressively huge tantrums. This week I took her to my friend Natalie's house and she started screaming, "no, no, no, I'm allergic to people!" It was funny and sad at the same time - I hate leaving her, but you can't take other kids to therapy or blood draws so I'm constantly farming them out to kind people.


Spencer is doing awesome. He is such a tenderhearted kid and is really stepping into the role of helping to take care of his sister and to help us out more. He makes Lizzie laugh when she's sad or agitated by making goofy faces at her or saying silly things. He has given up his bedroom willingly and happily - I don't know how many kids will give up their own bedroom and go sleep with a 2-year-old without complaining. We moved Lizzie into his room so she can be close to us and so she didn't have to sleep on her bunkbeds - she just can't maneuver that type of bed yet. I wish I could just clone Spencer - he is such a good boy.

(Spencer helping Lizzie find her eggs at Grandma's Easter Egg Hunt)

We've spent a lot of time lately at home which is resulting in clean closets and a lot of de-junking - stuff we don't usually get to because of the busyness of life. We're doing a lot of coloring, playing games - stuff we did before, but just not as much as we're doing now. I like this slower pace of life although I've had to let a lot of things go from my life - some that I have had a hard time letting go and others that should have gone away a long time ago.

Lizzie just can't tolerate going hardly anywhere so we are very selective what we do with our time. She also can't tolerate any teasing - she just sobs if anyone tries to tease her or joke around - she takes things very literal now and we've had to really watch what we say around her - something that is hard for all of us since we are a silly, teasing kind of family.


We were told before we left the hospital that it's very normal and expected to mourn the way your life used to be, the way your child used to be, but at the same time be grateful for the new life, the new child, etc. - it's so true. I have found myself breaking down sobbing when I've seen old pics of Lizzie or thought about things we used to do together, but then I've been so happy coloring with my new Liz and just having a lot of quiet time with her - it's all part of the process I guess. One thing that has been really hard for me is how agitated Lizzie gets - she hits me a lot and yells when in reality I am just trying to help her - it is a miracle if we can get through a day without she and I both breaking down in tears. I just wish she knew how much I want to help her.

Life is good - we continually feel that we are in the Lord's hands and He is aware of what we need, what Lizzie needs and He sends people to us all the time to help us when we need help and lift us when we need lifting.